Detour

I don't mean to whine, but I'm tired. Spending two nights up past my bedtime doesn't feel good on my body.

I was talking to my friend earlier this week, telling her how I went out downtown late in the afternoon (5:00pm!!!). And I really had no sense of direction either. I just needed a sketchbook from the used bookstore. It took a few hours to convince myself that it would be ok for me to go outside of the house for a bit. I'm a big girl.
And I survived every obstacle that day--- like the detour because of road construction, my car dying (again) in the parking lot, and the confrontation with my potential agoraphobia.
When I said that I had fun, but how I felt a little disorganized and frantic in the beginning of it all, she laughed. She said something to the effect of, "That is who you are. And you shouldn't feel like you need to change that."

I held that close to my heart this morning, feeling really disorganized and really frantic. I slept in past my precious hour of 6:00am. I missed my brisk walk down Vallombrosa. And I had a desire for nothing else but to have my structure and regularity back, even just for a little while longer, before I lose it again. And I'll adjust, I'll survive. But I need to recuperate first. Because that is who I am.